Piper & Alex | Prison Wedding | s06e13 | “Vauseman” | OITNB

Piper & Alex | Prison Wedding | s06e13 | “Vauseman” | OITNB

All right, then. You got… …20 minutes. Oh. Uh. Congratulations. I’m happy for you both. I cannot believe that you did all of this. Like you would have let me live it down if we didn’t get prison married. Shall we proceed? Tempus Fugit. Marriage… No. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself. Uhm. Yeah. We are gathered here today to celebrate… Oh, oh. No, no. Wait, wait. Sorry. You got to guess what I have. It’s tucked inside my tities. It’s old, new, borrowed and blue. Luschek’s testicles. No. Those aren’t new. Ah. Okay, so it is an old toothbrush that is a new shiv that I borrowed from Adeola, that happed to be blue. Why don’t you just give me that to me. I do not want this thing anywhere near the fetus. Now, where were we? We are gathered today standing under this janky wedding awning, because you two crazy kinds want to get married. In the confines of this shithole, somehow, you two managed to… to find each other again, to forgive each other, to love each other. And I am honored just to be a part of it, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, amen. So now, maybe it’s time for the vows? Alex! Okay. Piper… You wrote vows? Hang on. It’s just because, you know, I’m not good at this. And, I didn’t want to, like, ruin the surprise. Okay. It’s hard to know what promise I make to you that won’t sound like a bunch of clichés that people say at weddings. So, I wanted to make a promise that fits us, considering the distance that we covered to get here and how far we’ll have to go before we can be together again. But to do that, I have to talk about something that’s unconfortable to bring up. There was a time when I hurt you. And I did something unforgivable. And I don’t think that I can express, in words, the guilt and regret that I feel for having done that, uhm, to you, the person that I care about most. So, my promise is to make it up to you every day. In small, quiet ways. For the rest of our life together. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I didn’t say you could kiss the bride yet. No, no, no, no, no. Let them kiss, you monster. Okay. So is it my…It’s my turn? The floor is yours. I really wish I’d had some time to prepare. This is so unfair. When I was little girl, I used to think…Nope! No, no, no. Actu…Okay. Here we go. Okay. Life comes in moments… Al, I don’t even know what that means. It’s fine. Just… Okay. It’s me, right? So, what do you want to say to me? I want you to promise me that you’ll get out of here. I need you. You’re my partner. Get out of here as soon as you possibly can so that I can be with you. Do you promise me that you’ll do that? I will. Though that’s not really a vow. It’s more of a demand. Okay. Then my vow is to wait for you. Wait, wait, wait. Don’t kiss again yet. Lorna? The rings. Oh, shit, yo! Yo, is this a wedding? Mazel tov. Our little Chapman is getting sprung from this this joint today, so we tought we’d do something special. How about that? Damn! You gonna be out walking around and shit. How do you feel? I don’t know how I feel. I feel weird. I keep thinking about everything I’m gonna be missing out on. How stupid is that? Pritty fuckin’ stupid! Congratulations! All right! Oh, my bad, my bad. Go ahead. I’m sorry. Uhm, shall we exchange the rings? Yeah. Alex, place this ring at the tip of Piper’s finger. Do you, Piper, accept this key ring from Luschek’s key chain he was using to hold a Duane Reade savings card as a token of Alex’s eternal appreciation and love? I do. Then, Alex, please slide that fucker on there. A-ha. Thank you. Piper, will you place this ring at the tip of Alex’s finger? Ah! Do you, Alex, accept this contraband paperclip we found in the law library in a book about the landmark case Bottoms v. Bottoms, which sounds fascinating as a token of Piper’s eternal appreciation and love? I do. Well, then slide that fucker on there. And now, by the power vested in me by some website I forget the name of, and the Federal Department of Corrections, I now pronounce you prison married. And you may kiss the bride. And you may kiss the bride. I just love it. Oh, Honey.

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About the Author: Sam Caldwell


  1. I googled the real Alex and Piper on Google. It was interesting to have a real-life and series comparison! 🙂 They didn't marry though.

  2. As adorable as it is that piper and Alex got hitched, but i’m confused as to what happened to Alex after they got hitched in prison, did they get re-married, did they go they’re separate ways, did they find each other and they lived with each other after Alex got released, i’m Wondering if piper got reunited with Alex or if Alex Is still in jail, I wonder if they got together…when Is season fucking seven gonna come out?

  3. I watch this every day and cant believe what happens to their next relationship. Its legal right. Alex, 4 years man, really 😭 I just finished watch whole seasons of oitnb like 4 days ago. But this prison married is so beatiful and very touchy man. When piper said "then my vow is to wait for you" 😭😭. They so in love. I think their relationship is very strong . No one can't destroy their relationship. Thanks man.

  4. I am hoping when season 7 comes out it starts off with “4 years later” and Vauseman are together!!!

  5. Hey hey hey hey hey I didn’t say you could kiss the bride yet


  6. Call this my longshot guess but Im just gonna throw it out there so all the bases are covered. I bet Alex is gonna escape, and Vauseman is gonna elope to another country, leaving everything behind, just so they can be together.

  7. At the proposal Red is present..nichorello are not there…while at the prison wedding nichorello are present while Red isnt there..can vauseman have a wedding outside the prison and red..nichorello are all present? But i guess its not possible sighs…

  8. Laura's little baby bump popping out is adorable. It's always funny to see producers work around a pregnant belly. Shows this was filmed earlier in production of this season, and they gave her the arm sling when baby Ella was REALLY popping out. That's why she's such a beautiful bride here. Maternal glow is real.

  9. When you know that these small and cute weddings are the ones that last forever no luxury or diamonds just pure love ❤️ my gay heart cries to found someone and last forever and I will let Nicky marry us LMAO😭😂🦄🌈

  10. 4 a lesbian couple marriage, that's gotta b the most romantic moment ever in the entire series of Orange is the New Black

  11. If Vausse didn’t give Piper up they would not have ended up together as crappy as jail is they never would have recognized their true love

  12. Some may say piper made a bad choice when she met Alex because she end up in prison, but if she haven’t done that she wouldn’t know how in love she was with her and she wouldn’t have married her. So In a way, she choose right
    Congrats girls 😎😘❤️

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