THE PRISONER – Phantom Rabbit Hitman the Web Series

THE PRISONER – Phantom Rabbit Hitman the Web Series

Sounds of rummaging through the refrigerator. Huh? What? WHAT? He’s in the kitchen again. Really? He’s raiding the fridge. Uggh What time is it? It’s getting worse. Sound of gunfire. Three shots. Fuck. He ate my rum cake. Oh! This coffee tastes like ass. Where the hell is Sally? I told you man. Sally’s on vacation. She sent me an email yesterday. She’ll be out of town for awhile. Do you know what the worst part is?? I have to feed her damn cat. I’d feed her cat… Twice a day. We’re going to have to step this up a notch though. I mean he’s got a serious eating disorder or something. Coming in here, snatching sweets in the middle of the night. He doesn’t eat at all during the day… He’s like a food vampire. Comes in the middle of the night. Takes our food. Food vampire? Is that a technical term? Look man. This is serious. Closet eating is a serious issue! He could be stressed out, giving up, depressed! Anything! …and I don’t want a stressed out, barely coping assassin in our house!! Great idea genius. Take away the one thing that he’s finding solace in. Hey buddy. Making waffles! Who wants waffles?? Sound of gun cocking. Have a good day at work. They’re moving… more of them towards you. That’s our next target. That’s the bosses son. He’s… dumb as rocks. So their operations might be affected. But the emotional effect. That’s what we’re going for. And on another note… those guys that you shacked up with? The sensitive emo bear and the paintball wizard. They’re losers. I thought we decided that you’re going to take ’em out. Oh well. You can handle that. You always do. Hey! Don’t be getting soft on me. Laughter. At a boy. Damn. Did you know when rabbits shit, they crap a special turd that looks different than the others? And when they eat it, it gives them special nutrients? Fascinating. Hey man. How was work? We’re going to make pork chops. You want in? Oh. If you… you know… want any, you know where to find us. All right. I tell you man. Food vampire. It’s not a scientific term! In echo: That’s the bosses son. The emotional effect. That’s what we’re going for. Sound of water running. Hey these chops are good. They must be the premium ones. They are Juicy! Mmm, mmm. Oh yeah. Premium American cut pork. ‘Merica pork. And I’m gonna eat you good. Yum yum yum. Sound of rummaging in the refrigerator. Muffled: Hello? Muffled: Jeff? Jon? Is that you? Muffled: What did you do to my boyfriend? Muffled: Is he okay? Muffled: Why won’t you answer me? Muffled: No, Please? I, I won’t tell! Please? Please? Why won’t you answer me? Eerie music.

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About the Author: Sam Caldwell


  1. Phantom Rabbit Hitman….is the a Title to illustrate skill as a hitman?

    or does it mean something in hind sight?

    also,does he have any relation with the…."Easter Bunny" or Easter Beast"?

    you know….Easter Bunnies who kidnap kids who don't eat their veggies?

    or Easter Bunnies with really sharp teeth…?

    no offense Mr.Hitman,I'm just consciously curious that way.


    and a bit paranoid.

  2. These are definitely enough to keep me interested,but are the episodes supposed to correspond? I'm a little lost if so.

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